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Doubts in light of support

I find that my soul is sometimes the epitome of a dichotomy.  Anyone, including myself who maintains a public blog for any reason is saying to the world, ‘Hey I’m here.’  I do not have a comment section on my site simply because the feedback I see left for others who have that feature normally does not promote constructive feedback.  ‘I love this’ or ‘I hate this’ really does nothing to promote improvement. But I digress…

So yes of course I love to get feedback and acknowledgement for work that I do.  Yet at the very same time I am completely uncomfortable getting too much attention.  Today is a day that I both fear and enjoy, my ‘artist’ reception for my exhibit.  I have no idea how many people will show up for my reception other than my own mother, my son, Tracy and the curator.  So on one hand I am nervous that no one will attend, yet on the other I am nervous that too many people will appear.

My friends and family HAVE to like my work dammit, but what about the others?  I’m sure that those that show up are there to support me and for that I am forever grateful.  Yet the thought of standing around and actually talking about my work strikes a fear in me that I’ve not ever known.  I don’t kid myself, as I know that what I choose to display in imagery allows others a window into a bit of my soul.  But it’s easy to allow that when I don’t have to actually face someone who is viewing my work.  Today will be very different and I’m not sure what I’ll do with myself.

My son recently shared with his mom that he is worried about the fact that no one may show up for my reception.  I am so touched that he would even worry about that for me.  And all day Tracy has been silently preparing food and drink for what she feels will be a grand turnout.  Leigh has been so very supportive of my dream and hobby.  Roxanne has been telling anyone who will listen to come to my reception.  Eugene is planning on autographing some of the books he has encouraged people to buy.

So if no one shows up, I will be both disappointed and relieved.  I can go back to my safe little spot and revel in the people so close to me who truly believe in who I am.  The number of people who choose to appear at ArtShare today is immaterial compared to what I have been shown by those who care for me.  How can any day be better than that?

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